" Break the rules to find new ways to tell stories." — Felicia Day
Art by Heather Theurer
The Good Vibe
thinking of deleting this account real soon
to my friends - uh i guess message me if you want to still keep in touch but other than that i’m saying bye to this account bc i don’t use it anymore
It is not easy to be fat and happy.
In order to be fat and considered attractive, I have to ooze confidence. I have to put on makeup, thick red lipstick and black eyeliner, photoshop my hair to perfection, wear tight clothes that show off my breasts. I have to caption my photos with self-appreciating comments.
Some days, I do not have the energy. Some days, I feel like I am lying to everyone. Some days, I make trips back and forth from kitchen, to couch, to kitchen and back again, trailing wrappers and crumbs. Some days, I take baths and stare at the expansive white space of my stomach, my thighs, my arms. Some days, I wish I could pull on a sweatshirt and old pants, but instead I dig through my closet for the most adorable outfit I can find because I have to maintain an image. Some days, I want to vent on my blog, my youtube, but I can’t, because inspirations don’t have those kind of thoughts.
I’m sick of uploading the same selfies in a different outfit. I’m sick of hearing I look cute and pretty because it really means my outfit and hair and makeup today have made up for my genetic predisposition to be squishy and vast. I’m sick of feeling like the only way I am worthy of love is if I wear a cute little dress and eyelashes that reach for the sky. I have been sitting around my apartment eating and napping for the past 4 hours. I’ve been crying and watching sad poems. The only makeup I am wearing is what’s left after sleep and tears have washed away the days facade.
I am used to feeling sad and taking a bath, putting on a skirt and heels, whipping out my makeup brushes, and snapping a couple selfies to feel fab again. Today, I took the opposite approach. I took photos of my natural blank expression, picked the one the least out-of-focus, and uploaded it before I had too much time to even look at it. This is the next step in my journey to loving myself, truly and honestly. Because I love myself when I look cute. Not so much when I’m nude and clean.
I am determined to feel beautiful.
I challenge you to do the same.
This is wonderful.
everyday is a bad hair day for me
i feel u
or like i want to